Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
