Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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