She's JV to your varsity
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
