you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
