i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
