If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I CAN MOONWALK!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
