Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
