Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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