You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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