I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
