We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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