U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize