Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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