All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
