what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
