FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
