I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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