i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
