I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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