i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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