You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
