I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
