I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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