remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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