So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
50% drunk capacity currently
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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