It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
