I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
