His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
