There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So vagazzling was a success
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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