You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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