New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
