So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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