I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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