I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
