a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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