so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
