I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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