Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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