is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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