just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
