I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
