So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
