There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
