I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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