Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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