i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
