its not stalking. its research.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
