dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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