We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
