White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
