Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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