Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
