haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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