Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
