my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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