2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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