whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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