Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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