Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
