If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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