I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
