She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
