Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
