just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
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He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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